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Joke of the Day

"By the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen. I think I'm supposed to go volunteer to help with something"

"LPT: if you are lost in japan, ask for soy sauce ...it will shoyu the way"

"Since Trump got elected 2.5 million Americans want to leave the country That's 2.5 million jobs he's already made!"

"Four years ago, I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date. Today, I asked her to marry me. She said no both times."

"Dating tip: Men find mysterious woman alluring, so keep the spark alive by occasionally acting like a lunatic possessed by the devil."

"Where do lightning bolts go on dates? -To cloud 9"

"When discussing political party views in government today, my teacher asked ""How would a conservative view pornography?"" I muttered ""in high definition"" and now apparently *I'm wrong*"

"What is the difference between a Ferrari and a boner? I don't have a Ferrari."

"I got thrown out of the zoo today.... apparently you're not allowed to feed the ducks..... to the alligators........"

"Earlier I joked that Toronto was the capital of Canada. ""Joked"" being the operative word. Everyone knows only real countries have capitals."