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Joke of the Day

"I wanted to be a feminist for Halloween... ...but a fat suit is out of my budget."

"I stopped going to the beach because people kept mistaking me for a corpse and poking me with sticks"

"What a weekend...trying to get the courage to look at my credit card statement from last night."

"why do elephants paint their toe nails red? to hide in cherry trees. have you ever seen an elephant hiding in a cherry tree? works doesn't it"

"I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant... ...something smelled fishy."

"Did you hear about the Navy hangar that doubles as a church? It's a house of warship"

"I went running today but came back after 5 minutes because I forgot something I forgot that I'm fat and can't run for more than 5 minutes."

"Why don't you see elephants hiding in trees? They're really good at it."

"Oh you can bench 50 kilograms? I literally don't know if that's 100 pounds or a billion."

"What did the furniture salesman say when he wasn't happy with his haircut? Its a chaise lounge."