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Joke of the Day

"Don't stay inside and get depressed about the news. Go outside and get skin cancer!"

"[Whole Foods] ME: Hi CLERK: Hello ME: Do you...uh CLERK: Do we what? ME: Do you have any...uh CLERK: Go on ME: Do you have any Half Foods?"

"America sure is having some bad luck It's almost like it was built on an ancient Indian burial ground."

"Woke up with no money. I was robbed last night by a guy who looks exactly like me, but drunker."

"I bought perforated paper once It was a total rip off"

"My boss just sent me the heart eyes emoji. Since we're clearly being honest with each other I replied with a monkey with a gun to its head."

"Mufasa means King. So their parents literally named their sons King and Garbage. No wonder Scar wanted everyone dead."

"What's the difference between O and Q? One had to P."

"What Do You Call A Group... Of both crows and ducks, of which the ratio is 80% ducks and 20% crows? A murder most fowl."

"Canadians spend about $3.5 billion annually in Florida Plus the $5 tip."