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Joke of the Day

"Things I use my car for, from most to least: 1)Tweeting while parked 2)Snacking 3)Transporting bugs that can fly but are lazy 4)Driving"

"Fruit flies can fly, but most fruit can't, do you know which one can? Banana Skin"

"What are the effects of biggest brainwashing book in human history? i dont know...try asking the suicide bombers"

"""The princess dies. And then the people trying to save her die. Dragon guarding the castle? Dead"" - Bedtime at George R.R. Martin's house"

"I met a refugee on the train today. ""What country are you from?"", I asked. ""Iraq"", he replied. ""How did you escape?"" i ran."

"Best place to hide something nobody will see? Page two of Google"

"How can a male get a maid for free? He gets married."

"Why was the hipster drinking milk? He liked Ice Cream before it was cool"

"What do you call your saggy old midwife? Me doula oblongota"

"Watch it bro, your mouth's writing checks your body can't cash. Because you write really sloppy with the pen in your mouth. Seriously, wtf?"