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Joke of the Day

"Fruit flies can fly, but most fruit can't, do you know which one can? Banana Skin"

"The next time you are in a group and everyone is on their phones except you, go ahead and treat yourself to a fart. You earned it!"

"Are you all right ? No, you are all left"

"Bin Laden is also responsible for all of my typos and unfunny tweets."

"I was disappointed to learn Flickr is not a site about female masturbation."

"I guess if I had laser hairs, I'd want them removed too."

"How do you stop your dog from humping your leg? You suck his dick. How can you tell your dogs gay? His dick tastes like shit."

"Just ran outside in a t shirt & panties to save a bird from my cat's mouth. My kid thinks I'm a hero. My neighbor wants to have drinks later"

"""Wow, more ABBA. Shocking."" -anyone on road trips with me"

"I finally figured out the problem with our firewall last night. It was a real breakthrough! //Actually used that this morning. Manager did not notice, I did not explain."