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Joke of the Day

"What electronic device leaves behind a lot of broken glass? A PC, seeing how they typically run on Windows!"

"If you burn a cookie in the shape of a Star Wars character... ...is it crunchy or Chewie?"

"""Why don't you cool it on the dressmaking,"" I suggested to my wife. ""You seamstressed."""

"It's a sad moment when you realize the trash goes out more often than you do."

"I was walking thru the graveyard the other morning... Saw a guy kneeling behind a headstone. I walked up to him and greeted him ""Morning!"" He replied, ""Nah, I'm just taking a shit"""

"This guy next to me thinks I'm flirting, but really I'm just trying to see where he parks so I can steal his gas"

"People always comment about how young I look. I just tell them it's because of all the placenta I've been eating."

"I have nothing in common with people that learn from their mistakes"

"God to now go through your old tweets before making final decision on heaven."

"Some people say ""If you can't beat them, join them"". I say ""If you can't beat them, beat them"", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise."