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Joke of the Day

"I don't know why I bother going to the gym when I am so good at Photoshop."

"If I can see your boner I'm going to acknowledge it with a subtle head nod. Respect."

"Once I made the mistake of telling Jesus to take the wheel on a Sunday. Once."

"What did the monkey say when he was on a winning streak? I've banana roll lately."

"What's the difference between cowboy hats and tampons ? Cowboy hats are for assholes."

"This vodka tastes strange, kinda like I'm not going to work tomorrow."

"OH: If you ever want to call a family meeting, just turn off the WiFi router and wait in the room where it's located."

"Why do ballet dancers always stand on their toes? Could they not hire taller dancers?"

"My grandpa told me my generation relied too much on technology I told him ""no, your generation relies too much on technology"" Then I unplugged his life support"

"Sorry I ruined your surprise party by telling everyone it was an intervention"