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Joke of the Day
"True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically.."
Next Joke
"Why can't Miss Piggy count to 70? When she gets to 69 she gets a frog in her throat."
"Of course my days are numbered.. That's how calendars work."
"What did the baker say about her co-worker who never sleeps and always smells funky? At yeast he's a fungi."
"If you're not supposed to abuse cough syrup then why does it come with a little plastic shot glass?"
"I dig, you dig, we dig. I dig, You dig, We dig, We dig, She dig, They dig. The poem may not be very beautiful, but at least it's deep."
"*mugger pulls a knife* Mugger: gimme your money Me: well this night took a SHARP turn *later* Doctor: it's a record for amount of stabs"
"Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary"
"Yo momma's so pale... I felt like a snow plow last night."
"Now that Donald Trump will be President, I really hope he builds the wall. We need to keep all those crazy Americans contained."