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Joke of the Day

"Hostess: enjoy these complimentary after dinner mints Mints: you have beautiful eyes Me: [blushing] wow they're very complimentary"

"Reddit. Now a tool for the NSA."

"What is Tom Hanks' wireless password? 1forrest1"

"Asking politicians to give up source of money is like asking Dracula to forsake blood."

"Why was Chuck Norris born by her aunt? Because no one dared to fuck his mother..."

"[swipes debit card] *would you like cash back?* yes [gazes at photo in wallet of steve jobs johnny cash & bob hope, whispers] yes i would"

"A cowboy opens a German car dealership His business card says ""Audi Partner"""

"Why did the narcissistic cannibal end up in the hospital? Because he was so full of himself."

"What does a gay horse eat? Haaaaay."

"I can't decide what's scarier, someone scrolling through the pictures on my iPhone or someone scrolling through my Google search history."