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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross peanuts and almonds? Deez Nutz"

"Ruin a quote by attributing it to the wrong person ""Don't cry because it is over. Smile because it happened."" -Adolf Hitler, 1945"

"Why were the ants dancing on top of the jar of jam? It said ""twist to open"""

"How can you tell the inventor of the toothbrush was from West Virginia? If he was from anywhere else it would be called a teethbrush."

"It turns out vaccines cause cancer. You'll actually live long enough to get it."

"I hate when people post lyrics from songs, but I will survive."

"Nobody cares that my ears are flattening and my nose is growing longer... I guess its just *irrelephant*."

"Why did the smartphone go to jail... [OC] Because it was charged with battery"

"Why did the baker have brown fingers? Because he kneaded a shit."

"I'd say I avoid Facebook like the plague, but I don't do much to avoid the plague."