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Joke of the Day

"As a cat burglar most of my late night break-ins are actually well orchestrated attempts to pet other peoples animals."

"If the voices in my head had a British accent, I would do what they say more often."

"If Chuck Norris catches you writing jokes about him, he'll smash your face into the keyjhesreqdzsf"

"How to kill time. Hold your right ear with your lett hand and your nose with your right hand, then hold your left ear with your right hand and your nose with your left hand, and repeat and repeat."

"Yo mama so fat.. I took a picture of her last Christmas and it's still printing."

"As it turns out, if you're with a group of people, it's ""Christmas caroling."" If you do it alone it's ""creating a public nuisance."""

"Wait...the ""S"" in ASAP doesn't stand for ""Slowly?"" Shit. This has cost me 27, maybe 28 jobs."

"How many Mennonites does it take to change a light bulb? Seven - one to actually change the bulb and six to complain that they liked the old one better."

"What's the difference between a Lamborghini and a boner? I don't have a Lamborghini right now"

"here's a business idea: a bed that is bigger than the biggest size bed we have currently"