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Joke of the Day

"What type of luggage only speaks in short sentences ? A brief case."

"What do you say to a naked pig? ""I never sausage a body."""

"""UNLESS WE'RE OUT OF CHEESE THERE'S NO REASON TO SCREAM LIKE THAT!"" - me to my kid whenever he throws a tantrum"

"Me:(Standing on a Bosu Ball at bootcamp) No one tells us what to do. Trainer(rolling eyes) Rene, get down. You asked me to teach this."

"What's worse than lobsters on your piano? Syphilis"

"No Amazon, I don't want to sort stuff by ""Price: High to Low,"" who are the billionaires who would even make that an option?"

"Ebola lingers in semen for nine months... I couldn't think of a decent punchline, but there's a winner out there for this headline for sure. . Highest voted comment wins the punchline."

"Nuts I like: -Cashew. -Almond. -Pistachio. Nuts I don't like: -Hairy. -Religious."

"How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to hold the bulb, and one to drink until the room starts spinning."

"What's a programmer's favorite drug? Codeine."