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Joke of the Day

"What type of luggage only speaks in short sentences ? A brief case."

"why do blacks like the doctor's office? they operate on black time! 2:00 appointment? pfft show up at 3:30 you'll be straight"

"GF: I think I'm gunna start a Twitter account Me: *whips head around* I'll help you set it up! *Grabs GF's phone and hurls it into the Sun*"

"School in Canada makes non-vaccinated students stay home to halt the spread of measles. Better safe than sorry."

"Our family's annual tradition, as I put up the tree, everybody gathers around to watch my wife tell me I'm stringing the lights wrong."

"If dumping the last of your chips into the dip and eating it like cereal is wrong then I don't wanna be right."

"Harry Potter: A Shortened Version Voldemort: I must kill Harry Potter. Everyone else: Lol, no."

"When I was younger, they used to be able to tell me and my twin brother apart by our balls. He'd bawl at night and I'd bawl during the day."

"I saw a midget insect having his first orgasm... It was a little beecoming."

"Coffee so black, you won't ever go back to sleep."