184986

Joke of the Day

"Wife jokes... Why do brides wear white on the wedding day? Because all appliances come in white. Why don't women wear watches? Because there's a clock on the stove."

"Whenever I Think Of Books I touch my shelf."

"You know you're getting old when you go to a new doctor... ...and part of the new patient exam is carbon dating."

"""I've been in 3 emotionally abusive relationships"" Said Dave to his new friend. ""I'm so sorry!"" ""Huh. I had them thinking it was their fault as well"""

"Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast."

"Did you hear about all the Pokemon that died in the fire? All that was left was Ash"

"Occasionally I like to stroll into a bank, pull a gun, shout ""Everybody be cool!"" and then hand out sunglasses and leather jackets."

"If the secret ingredient in Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte was the tears of underprivileged children, white people would still drink it."

"Mario is a game where you save a girl from the terrible fate of hanging with a dude who owns a castle"

"What's a crime that doesn't exist now, but might become illegal in 100+ years? Posting this question to r/askreddit."