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Joke of the Day

"It's great that banks are nice enough to charge fees for using machines created for the purpose of replacing paid employees."

"Passenger: Does this bus go to London? Conductor: No. Passenger: But it says London on the front. Conductor: There's an advertisement for baked beans on the side but we don't sell them!"

"What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef! Bonus joke: What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean Beef!! Double Bonus: What do you call a cow with one leg stuck in the ground? Steak!!!"

"I scream, you scream, we all scream, while I'm crawling under the bathroom stall to say hi to you."

"Who were the shortest people in the Bible? Let's see. There'sKneehighmiah, Bildad the Shoe-Height...oh, and Peter, who said, ""Silver andgold I have none,"" and no one could be much shorter than that."

"Why did Toronto host the (hockey) World Junior Championships? They wanted to see what a winning team looked like."

"It's not nice to make fun of the obese... ...They have enough on their plate."

"Before you get married ask yourself: is this the person you want to watch stare at their phone the rest of your life?"

"Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone"

"What should you do if you find yourself at a my chemical romance gig? Mope the fuck outta there."