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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist"

"What's the best thing about being a meth addict? Only four more sleeps 'til Christmas!"

"You can read his mind in his face. Yes it's usually a complete blank."

"I've said it before and I'll say it again: the Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range."

"Why was the policeman sent to talk to a bunch of crows? Because someone said there was a ""murder""."

"""What's that?"" A divorce jar. Every time we fight you put a dollar in and I'm a little bit closer to freedom. *puts in dollar* ""WTH!?!"""

"Alcohol is like photoshop for reality."

"I wonder if Jeremy Irons ever quietly laughs to himself while he's ironing."

"Where are all the women in amateur astronomy? At the other end of the telescope."

"Got my left hand an awesome Valentines card and vibrating glove."