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Joke of the Day

"""My phone's about to die."" -Me, 30 seconds into every phone call."

"The only time a Girl asked me for a coffee was when she mistook me for a Waiter."

"What's the difference between a pregnant lady and a light bulb? You can unscrew a light bulb"

"Two tomatoes cross the street Two tomatoes cross the street. One of the tomatoes gets hit by a car, and the other tomatoe goes ""Aw, come on... Catch up!"""

"Girlfriend Joke - Written by Me I was in the shower with my girlfriend the other day and I asked her, ""Have you ever been peed on in the shower?"" She said, ""NO!"" I said, ""Yes, Yes you have!"""

"According to national reports, car thefts in the US are now at a 20 year low...Well, sure, it's hard to steal a car when the owner's living in it..."

"I've decided to start carrying a knife. After an attempted mugging last week I've decided to start carrying a knife. Since then, my mugging attempts have been much more successful."

"What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut? About 3 weeks."

"Saw an old couple arguing at each other in public yesterday Apparently one of them is going to be president"

"What's the most popular Internet meme in China? Ayy lMao"