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Joke of the Day

"What kind of weapon does a seasoned vet use? A salt rifle."

"Everybody is a little weird, except you and I... ...and I'm not so sure about you."

"how to be a good DJ? press ""PLAY"" and don't touch anything ever again"

"If you can stay calm while all around you is chaos, then you probably haven't completely understood the situation."

"I'm going to talk to my broker today about cashing in some of my stocks. And by that I mean, ""taking all my change to the coinstar machine"""

"When one door closes another door opens, pretty sure my house is haunted, I sleep on the porch"

"What was Tigger doing in the toilet? Looking for Pooh."

"TIFU And by I, I mean Ellen Pao."

"I'm thinking 'FUCK YOU' real loud at the people around me right now & they don't have a clue. I'm owning them so hard & they have no idea."

"There was once a psych researcher with a rare genetic defect that gave her four buttocks. She was fired for being bi-assed."