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Joke of the Day

"Why did the yankee wolf like southern ladies? By the time they said ""I'm not that kind of girl"" they were."

"A man in the restroom today almost pissed on my pants from the next urinal over. I yelled at him and he said ""It's alright man. Wouldn't you rather be pissed off than pissed on?"""

"One day on Mercury lasts about 1,408 hours. About the same as a common Monday on Earth."

"What do you call a camera that shoots out true facts about an ancient Phoenician city? A Canon, Canaan-canon cannon... (I'm not sorry...)"

"so i was walking down the street and this homeless guy was like ""hey! give me ten dollars."" and i was like ""got change for $100"""

"[Ouija board] GRANDMA WHERE IS YOUR COOKIE RECIPE"

"My neighbor's looking at me like she's never seen a guy stuck in her doggy door before. And what's with the screaming? And the golf club?!"

"Why are Indians the best pizza makers? Because they always do the kneedful."

"Congratulations on passing your test! You are HIV-positive"

"What's the difference between Mexicans and Jesus? Jesus didn't have tattoos of Mexicans all over *his* body"