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Joke of the Day

"A condom doesn't guarantee safe sex. My friend was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband."

"*At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes ""No, I'm good"" & ""No, I'm just looking""* Me:""No, I'm just good looking"""

"Why didn't the construction worker like to get wet? Because he didn't drywall."

"I am angry but not like really angry. More like Facebook angry where I call you letters of the alphabet. You F'ing B."

"Confucious he say... Man who walk before car gets tired, man who walk behind car gets exhausted"

"""What are you doing? Are you writing down everything I'm saying?! IS THIS GONNA BE A SONG?!?!"" -anyone dating Taylor Swift"

"A mexican walks into a wall, what breaks first? His lawnmower. A jew runs into a wall, what breaks first? His nose."

"How many redditors are needed to screw a lightbulb? As much people as is needed to screw that lightbulb."

"What do you do, if you're jerking off when you're meant to do something else but you're putting it off? Procrasturbation."

"Have you heard about the internet couple that broke up? They just didn't click together anymore."