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Joke of the Day

"*At a clothing store* Worker: Do you need any help sir? Me: *Mixes ""No, I'm good"" & ""No, I'm just looking""* Me:""No, I'm just good looking"""

"What do you have when there's balls on your chest? Chestnuts What do you have when there's balls on your chin? A dick in your mouth."

"How many women with PMS does it take to change a... just SHUT UP, OKAY! SHUT UP, (sobbing) SHUT UP, SHUT UP!"

"Just saw The Martian. If Matt Damon was alone on Mars, who was filming him that whole time? Clearly fake"

"""DAAAAAAAD!! LOKI KEEPS STEALING MY THUNDER!!"" -adolescent Thor"

"Why couldn't Robin play cricket? Because he lost his bat, man."

"""Don't dip your pen in company ink."" - HR training seminar explaining why I shouldn't sleep with the receptionist...I think."

"What do boobs and margaritas have in common? One is not enough. Three is to many."

"My girlfriend is in the hospital after she ate a giant bacon cheese burger. It was mine."

"I'm not sure if this woman in the Starbucks line ahead of me is ordering a drink or casting a spell."