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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between pudding pops and bill Cosbys dick? It's consensual when people eat pudding pops."

"A guy goes to his doctor, and the doctor tells him, ""You've got to stop masturbating."" And the guy's like, ""Wait, why?"" The doctor reploes, ""So I can examine you."""

"Being Mute. Being mute means never having to say you're sorry."

"I do really well on Jeopardy. I get all the answers, every one of them, almost instantly. I do, however, have a lot of trouble coming up with the questions."

"I've seen suns that weren't as bright as my cell phone is at 6AM."

"Im trying the new Vodka diet... Lose 3 days every week"

"Never tell your problems to anyone...20% don't care and the other 80% are glad you have them..."

"Dearest wife, The war on Christmas goes well. We found an elf stronghold & cut off its candy cane supply lines. Last night, they ate Donner."

"Trump is already making good on his promise for jobs. Who else would hire Three Doors Down?"

"I organised a little surprise party for a girl from work. She didn't show - so I guess I'll just go back into her loft and wait."