184249

Joke of the Day

"An insanely hot girl sat across me in the train this morning and our eyes met. I thought I'd have a raging boner. But then she had one first."

"Coworker: What's so funny M: Twitter Cw: Oh! I'm on there, what's your @ M: I meant twizzlers.. Cw: You're looking at your phone. M:..."

"My Future I have a lot more trust and faith in my guidance counselor's advice after getting an empty fortune cookie at a chinese restaurant."

"It was really cold today... It was so cold that I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets."

"Haikus are easy But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator."

"My 4yo brought his Woody doll to the store and was swinging it around. I told him loudly to stop hitting people with his Woody. Parenting."

"How many Mexicans does it take to build a Holy Shit they're done!"

"A man goes for his first prostate exam ""I am sorry doctor, but where can I leave my pants?"" ""Right there where I left mine"" - the doctor says"

"""this is your captain speaking. i bet you're reading this in a man's voice. well guess what! i'm a woman captain. women are captains too."""

"I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last. My current wife hates it when I talk like that."