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Joke of the Day

"I'm still on my first marriage, and... Wait, that sounded very negative, as if I don't expect this marriage to last. My current wife hates it when I talk like that."

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"A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says...."
"Man: I want to share everything with you. Woman: Let's start from your bank account."
"muppets cannot die and nobody else seems to be worried about this"
"What do you call a night watchman with deep-set self-esteem issues? An insecurity guard "
"Dad can I? A young man went up to his father and asks ""Can I have twenty bucks for a blow job?"" His father says ""I don't know. Are you any good?"""
"Walking down the street today someone handed me a free air guitar... No strings attached..."
"Why are rich people so concerned with etiquette? Because they have a lot of manors."
"Romantic Remembrance by Valentine Card"
"Why didn't the bunny hop? No bunny knows... :("