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Joke of the Day

"I texted someone ""hell yeah,"" but autocorrect changed it to ""hell year"" because even our phones know."

"Guys, you should really try removing the key above enter on your keyboard. Trust me, you'll never go back"

"The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the ""I'm sick"" voice."

"First Monster: I'm so thirsty my tongue's hanging out. Second Monster: Oh. I thought that was your necktie!"

"Did you know Abe Lincoln was Jewish? He got shot in the temple"

"Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker?"

"Doctor Doctor I keep thinking I'm a snake about to shed it's skin. Why don't you go behind the screen and slip into something more comfortable then!"

"Wait so does Smashing Pumpkins refer to destroying pumpkins or are they just super good pumpkins in England"

"I've started attending a self-help group for sex addicts... I haven't got an addiction. It's just a great way of meeting sluts."

"Light beer is like having sex in a canoe... It's fucking close to water"