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Joke of the Day

"If I got a dollar for every time a girl told me I was unattractive .. .. I'd eventually be attractive."

"I fucked this bitch the other night... The next day, she was starting to get overly attached and needy, so I asked my buddy for some advice. He said, ""Yeah man, golden retrievers can be like that."""

"Fred: Do you like my new hairstyle? Harry: In as much as it covers most of your face yes."

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... they should both be changed regularly... and for the same reason."

"Tuna What do you call a can of tuna in a lesbians back pocket? DIP"

"""FOR SALE: blender, like new. Does NOT make things taste like crayons ALSO FOR SALE: wax fruit, slightly scratched."""

"A Big Moron and a Little Moron Were on a Trestle The big moron fell off. How did the other stay on? He was a little more on..."

"A boy asks for a pink ping pong ball... a boy comes downstairs and asks for a pink ping pong ball. ""don't you start that again."" says the mom."

"the statue of liberty was a trojan horse thing but it was too hard to break out of and it's full of skeletons now"

"My Twitter crush is 4,762-timing me!"