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Joke of the Day

"When I was just a little girl I asked my mother, what will I be? Will I be pretty? Will I be rich? Here's what she said to me No"

"The bartender says..... ""We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"" A tachyon enters a bar."

"Why is thanksgiving such a special holiday at the gas station? It is a day to be tankful."

"From my gf Me: What are you planning on doing on MLK day? Her: I plan on sleeping all day Me: ...Why? Her: I want to have dreams too"

"My wife was excited after my vasectomy. She said it was a load off of her chest.^.(stole ^off ^imgur, ^sowwie)"

"I got into a heated debate with my friend about time travel... We really opened a can of wormholes."

"It's called mankind because womanmean just sounded too obvious."

"Who are the world's fastest readers? 9/11 victims they got through 63 stories in 10 seconds."

"Why did the feminist masseuse stop at the thigh? She didn't like to massage a knee."

"Why was the Butcher depressed? Because his life was in shambles."