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Joke of the Day

"TIL Only three types of mammals go through menopause. The Blue Whale, The Beluga Whale, and You're Mom"

"I tired to kill myself today... But, it was all in vein."

"Serious question: Are doctors SURE erectile dysfunction isn't just a side effect of being married & bangin the same woman for years & years?"

"*Hamburglar returns home with bag of hamburgers* *his wife, holding a crying baby, slaps the bag out of his hands* ""WE NEED MONEY, DAMMIT!"""

"I'm not saying the character Merida was modeled after me, but I too would rather win an archery contest than be married."

"me: [first gang practice] is snack time before or after the murders"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Yes ! Who is there! HortonHearsA Who !"

"Famous last words ""with this snow, the road looks like a sidewalk!"" Jimmy exclaimed, Famous last words..."

"The general rule is that you shouldn't ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity"

"What do you call a dog with no legs? Nothing, because he ain't coming over to you."