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Joke of the Day

"When you give up and stop believing in yourself, it's much easier to worship and idolize another. That's how ass kissing and celebrity worshiping begins."

Next Joke
 
"Me: Mom, am I ugly? Mom: Why don't you ask your girlfriend? Me: But I don't have a girlfriend! Mom: Still looking for the answer?"
"What do you call an elephant with a poor memory? A bold and innovative departure from the hackneyed stereotypes that all too often dominate the joke-telling industry."
"The goldfish just gave me the ""just flush me"" look. No way pal. If I have to stay so do you."
"""Don't put it on my plate if you don't want me to eat it!"" - me to my kid, who's crying because I ate the playdoh burger he put on my plate"
"90's kids won't get this... Social Security benefits."
"Cats are weird. They look at you like they want to set you on fire then look all surprised when you toss them into the ceiling fan."
"how much would it cost? ""the guy who does our estimates isn't here right now"" around what time will he be back? ""did you not just hear me?"""
"Why was Cleopatra so negative? Because she was queen of denial."
"The doctors found a malignant tumor at my checkup the other day... It's really starting to grow on me"