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Joke of the Day

"Me: Hello Teacher: Hello M: How's my kid doing in school? T: How's my kid doing in school? I hate parrot teacher conferences"

"A guy walks into a zoo that only had one animal in it. It was a Shih Tzu."

"What does a nosey pepper do? Gets jalapeno buisness. ... I'll let my self out."

"if i don't respond to your text, it's because i fell asleep finding a dumb picture of mos def to send u in lieu of typing ""most definitely"""

"Yo momma so dumb... my yoghurt is more cultured than her."

"You know that confused look that old people get when looking at new technology? I'm like that, but with salad."

"What's the worse thing to hear during a prostate exam? A zip."

"Moose: Sorry, I need to quit this yoga class. Yoga Instructor: NahMooseStay!"

"When someone says, ""I haven't seen you in forever,"" a fun response is, ""I know, we're really not that good of friends"""

"So apparently ""self-deprecating humour"" is what's popular now... And I'm really not that good at it."