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Joke of the Day

"Why did America remove the ""u"" from ""colour""? Because fuck u that's why"

"What do you call a conversation with your professor when you are blown? I guess you would call it a high-class conversation."

"How does a hamburger introduce his girlfriend? Meat patty! Thought of you guys!"

"Here in Canada, we leave everything unlocked so that burglars don't risk getting glass in their hand when they punch through our windows."

"The Rock just announced he's having a baby girl... I bet he names her Marble."

"What do I do if my bank won't take my blood covered cash? Launder it. Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/personalfinance/comments/38kmj9/what_do_i_do_if_the_bank_wont_take_my/crwbpxe"

"[Arguing with a guy over who's tougher] *takes toothpick from mouth* ""When I started chewing this it was a full grown spruce."""

"How did Satan turn an unbeliever holy? He scared the hell out of him."

"Read on r/todayilearned that Saint Ambrose was the first person to practice silent reading... ...which is crazy, because typically, Catholics never shut up about their favorite book."

"""Son, I wanted to let you know you were adopted,"" said my dad. ""Are you kidding? Really?!"" I shouted. ""Yup, get ready,"" he said. ""They'll be picking you up in about an hour."""