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Joke of the Day

"Stand way over there and let me tell you a funny fairytale. Once upon a time I ate all of your Halloween candy this morning."

"Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name."

"Did you hear Kony is raising up another army? It's a baby only army. The infant-ry."

"What is the hardest part about puberty? (NSFW) My penis."

"A photon walks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he needs help with his bags. The photon says, ""no, I'm travelling light. """

"How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son's dick. (Credit to my uncle)"

"Sometimes you just need to reach out and touch someone. With a shovel. On the side of the head."

"Chuck Norris doesnt wear a watch, HE decides what time it is."

"Every minivan without an honor student bumper sticker should be required to have one that says, ""My child is a disappointment."""

"Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*"