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Joke of the Day

"How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood on her son's dick. (Credit to my uncle)"

"Will no one rid me of this turbulent poodle?"

"[first date] Me: *don't let him know you're the Mona Lisa* Him: You look nice tonight Me: *smiles ambiguously*"

"What did the boy with no hands get for christmas? Gloves! Just kidding, I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."

"The steak that I put in the Easy Bake Oven as a child is still not done"

"Just once I'd like to see a celebrity show up to the red carpet in jeans and be like, ""Oh, was this today? I was just in the neighborhood."""

"Why is it called a shampoo.. If it smells good?"

"Who discovered Victoria Falls? Whoever tripped her."

"What's the difference between ELI5 and AskScience? About 3 replies in the top comment thread."

"I ran a marathon in 2011 if you add it all up probably."