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Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend and I have an intimate relationship, but she got upset when I was using her toothbrush. So I just said 'Hey, if YOU have a better way to get dogshit out of sneakers...'"

"Getting caught I got caught jacking off at the store yesterday. But seriously, who pays for bug spray?"

"What's the difference between the Oscars and the BET Awards? Oscar winners can thank BOTH of their parents."

"Two gay guys went out for a night on the town without any cash. It was an unfunded mandate."

"friend: have u accepted jesus christ as yr savior so u can be allowed into the kingdom of heaven? me: who all going?"

"What did the owner of a brownie factory say when his factory caught fire? ""I'm getting the fudge outta here!"""

"My ex sent me a text saying ""please delete my number..."" I sent one back saying ""who's this?"""

"Avoiding eye contact with co-workers is for rookies. Make eye contact and don't say anything as you pass"

"So I went to the doctor, and he told me to stop masturbating. ""Why?"" I asked. ""Because I'm trying to talk to you, and it's very distracting."""

"You couldn't hold an intelligent conversation if I duct taped one to your hands."