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Joke of the Day

"What do the final scene of titanic and the iPhone 7 have in common? They both could've fit the jack"

"Captain: You're suspended. Turn in ur badge and gun. [he does, but immediately grows a new badge and gun] Godammit, u were born to be a cop."

"What's the last thing you want to hear when you're giving a blow job to Willie Nelson? ""I'm not Willie Nelson."""

"You had me at cello."

"What did the Alaska Native's girlfriend say when she broke up with him? *""I'm just not that Inuit.""*"

"I have a rare muscle disease that causes my hands to write racist things that I don't remember later. The Doctor is calling it Ron Palsy"

"Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 is getting released for the second time in Iraq. They're renaming the game to The Sims 5."

"I want to die drunk and peacefully like my grandfather Not like his 6 other screaming passengers"

"Funny women are smart. Be careful."

"I got accused yesterday of ""plagiarism!!!"" Their words, not mine."