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Joke of the Day
"You had me at cello."
Next Joke
"What weapons do pengiuns have? Pen-guinades."
"If you find stocking stuffers in stores around Christmas, what do you find around Thanksgiving? Stuffing stockers."
"The 7-yr old has the flu so I'm letting her lick the envelopes of all my credit card bills."
"I just 'borrowed' $20 from my teenage daughter. She's such an idiot."
"They don't bury an Amish man with his beard. They bury him with shovels."
"I let my baby girl know she can do anything. Except taking the bow out of her hair cuz IT'S REALLY CUTE AND SHE NEEDS TO LEAVE IT ALONE."
"I think what irritates me most about Katy Perry is that I thought she was a Zooey Deschanel SNL character until about 2 months ago."
"What do you call a big butt? mASSive"
"What do you call a bell which doesn't do it's work? A rebell"