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Joke of the Day

"People are all like ""STAY OUTTA MY LIFE GOVERNMENT"" and then they shut down and people are all like ""COME BACK IN MY LIFE GOVERNMENT"""

"I'm glad George Washington didn't live long enough to see his face printed out and rubbed on the ass of every stripper."

"What do you call a herd of cows in a psychiatrists office? An encownter group."

"I just shook the crumbs out of my keyboard and they spelled ""GAYLORD."" My haters grow more powerful everyday."

"The Queen is so afraid of how the vote will turn out, she put Sam Smith in a boat circling Scotland singing ""Stay With Me"" into a megaphone."

"Why are there no female serial killers? Because after the first kill, they have to tell someone."

"Doubt this is welcome in /r/ShowerThoughts but thought of it there. How many rascist Drink names can we collectively think of? I'll edit the best ones into this post. Mine was ""*White Power*-ade""."

"What's Gollum's favourite food? Scallops, scallops!"

"So she texts: Do you want to see something exiting? Me: Yes, of course! Anddd she left the chat."

"Camper: There's a leak over my bunk! Counselor: That's what we said in the camp ads. Running water in every cabin!"