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Joke of the Day

"I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal."

"My iPod can hold over 3,000 songs, or one voicemail from my mom.."

"How do you stop a mexican tank? You shoot the guy pushing it."

"Thanks to Hurricane Sandy, my Facebook feed changed everybody from political analysts to weather people."

"wife: I was saving that me [eating bacon] It expires today *wife checks package* *sees I crossed out the date and wrote ""today""*"

"Come to my 127.0.0.1 and I'll give you sudo access."

"What do you get if you cross a river with a bridge? to the other side."

"What did the Vietnamese architect say to the Chinese post man? CHING CHONG"

"Sorry, Australia... Overheard my sister talking to my friend when this was said. Sis: ""Do they have bush babies in Australia""? Friend: ""No, but they have plenty of dead babies in the bush""."

"""In just 4 years, you can get a 4 year degree!"" Yes, ""university"" commercial--that math checks out."