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Joke of the Day

"A Boy giving Complaints. Kid: mom, some kid is calling me gay mama: Hit him, in the face. Kid: I cant Mom: Why? Kid: Cause, he's so Cute!!"

"I cheated on my girlfriend once We were playing monopoly and while she wasn't looking I took some of her money. Then I went upstairs and fucked her sister."

"You may think a squirt of water in the face is the best way to reprimand cats but turns out it works pretty well on people too."

"Why do people keep building so many new mausoleums? Because people are dying to get in."

"Why is the Energizer Bunny such a slut? He takes 2 Ds at the same time"

"I woke up to find.. the train I was on had turned into a Pencil. I didn't try to use the toilet though because your not meant to go whilst the train's stationary."

"Woman at drive-thru just called me ""honey."" Headed home to tell my wife to take a god damn hike."

"Someone tell my kid that if I wanted to hear high-pitched shrieking all night, I would have become a murderer."

"If abortion is murder, then are condoms kidnapping..."

"I like to observe people in lines. I'm in Wait Watchers."