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Joke of the Day

"Did you know that Jose is an American name? It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem."

"Me: I have NO drafts! Wife: *opens window* Me: ... Wife: *opens door* Me: ... Wife: That better? Me: I should have married your sister."

"My calculus professor recently divorced his wife .. .. one day he simply told her ""I'm making a you substitution""."

"Why did the dog go to the doctor after a tomato fell on his head? The tomato was in a can."

"There are a lot of words you can use to describe men: strong caring loving. They'd be wrong but you could still use them."

"""Got any drugs or alcohol on you?"" ""yup, I'm all set. Thanks Officer"""

"Did you hear about the dyslexic racist? He hated gingers."

"Did you hear about the magician that turned his family into a 3-piece suite but couldn't change them back? They were rushed to hospital where staff described them as ""comfortable""."

"Driving a Prius shows women that you are socially responsible, environmentally conscious, and will be completely unable to make them cum."

"I'd pray to God to help me with my overbearing KFC addiction, but seeing as the Colonel is my God, I can see that being counter-intuitive."