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Joke of the Day

"Meteorologist: According to our facts, we'll have a longer winter- People: LET THE GROUNDHOG DECIDE Meterologist: But science People: NO"

"Call a girl beautiful 1,000 times and she'll never notice. Call a girl fat once and she'll never forget it. That's because elephants never forget."

"I'm not sure if putting Christmas lights up would offend my Jewish neighbours. So just to be sure, i'll hang a massive swastika in my window too."

"King Midas doesn't like baths He likes golden showers."

"I'm not sure how messed up this is. What did Bill Cosby say when he was asked about the child abuse claims? Kids say the darnedest things."

"How do Africans carry Ebola? In large baskets balanced on top of their heads."

"""Daddy, I was just in the bathroom peeing, nothing else. That's all, so you don't need to look."" - my 6yo, not sounding at all suspicious"

"[my 1st day as spelling bee host] your word is policy ""can you use it in a sentence"" um i think hes an undercover cop, he looks a bit policy"

"Where does a divine beaver live? A God Dam!"

"What is the difference between walking a dog in America and China? The spelling."