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Joke of the Day

"advertising slogans are the official language of the united states of america"

"A magician was driving down a street when suddenly... he turned into a driveway."

"Job Interview ""It says in your CV that you are quick at mathematics. What is 17x19?"" ""36"" ""That's not even close!"" ""But it was quick!"""

"I overcooked some pasta earlier - it got all soggy and mushy. Making the best of a bad situation, I put it in a mug and tried to down it. I soon gave up though - it was an act of *Fusilli Tea*."

"What is a mosquito's favourite sport ? Skin-diving !"

"What goes above the water and below the water but doesn't touch the water? An egg in a duck."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *choking noise*"

"Always ask ""are you voting for Sanders?"" before sex. If they say ""yes"" you know they are too young."

"I tried to get an hourglass figure... ...but then I realised it would just be a waist of time."

"The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth."