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Joke of the Day

"A fool proof way to never feel lonely. If you're ever feeling lonely, watch a horror movie. You won't feel alone anymore."

"I was addicted to porn... ...but then I beat it."

"Thank God Wolverine isn't italian..."

"The only time my wife will ever scream ""Deeper, deeper!""... Is when they are lowering my casket into the ground."

"Toads and choads What do toads and choads have in common? They both taste a bit swampy"

"My work ethic could best be described as ""procrastinate as much as possible then frantically scream OH FUCK right before the deadline."""

"Why didn't the lifeguard save the drowning hippie? He was too far out man."

"Distraught after losing a full carton of milk, I tattooed its photo on my kid's face, in hope someone recognizes and returns it."

"My wife and I found each other on a dating website.........3 years after we got married. That was awkward."

"What the difference between the U.S. Government and a bucket of crap? The bucket"