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Joke of the Day

"My wife and I decided to have kids... ...for lunch. Fried children are yummy."

"Did you guys here the Twins signed Adrian Peterson? Word is they needed a switch hitter..."

"I got invited to a block party recently. I show up, blocks EVERYWHERE."

"I tried to buy the father from the Addams Family from a young starlet. She told me she was Sellin'a Gomez"

"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? Don't know they're just a bit shady."

"Just got a job working in a full size cuckoo clock. It's not great, but it gets me out the house."

"""Why have a ballroom, with no Balls?"" -Disney's Frozen I paused the movie to tweet this..."

"In regards to Caitlyn Jenner's car accident I guess you could call it vehicular translaughter."

"How many sperm cells do virgins have at any given time? Ohh.. About a handful."

"I'm here to tell you the truth about Trump voters! [deluded]"