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Joke of the Day

"What do you call it when a jaeger licks your butthole? Pacific Rim Job."

"Why did the angry ant fall off the toilet seat? Because it was pissed off."

"Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again."

"At the doctor's... - Sir, you need to stop masturbating. - Why, doc? - So I can start examining you!"

"After progressively lifting heavier weights, I was finally able to squat 600 pounds. Unfortunately, all that money still weighs less than a kilo."

"I finally found a girlfriend and when I did I got really pumped. Sadly after a year in the storage she needed a lot of pumping as well."

"What do you give to the man who has everything? Penicillin."

"PILOT: Welcome to flying school. Any questions? ME: Is it possible to crash into a rainbow? PILOT: Yes it's how most of you will die. Next?"

"If Linkin Park was to describe photons: ""[...] But in the end, it isn't even matter."""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? You wouldn't know, it's kind of an obscure number. Edit: I get it, this joke is just too far-fetched for you mainstreamers to understand."