182284

Joke of the Day

"Pool Went for a swim in one of those infinity pools earlier...couldn't finish a length :-("

"What do you call a deer with no eyes? No eye-deer!"

"Once I saw a blind man touching a cheese grater at Ikea. He said: ""who wrote this bullshit"""

"[shines flashlight under chin] In my day, kids ate gluten and rode bikes without helmets and OPEN LETTERS DIDN'T EXIST [children scream]"

"If you were on top of a pile of gay guys... would you get off?"

"What do you do when your girlfriend starts smoking? You slow down and use lube ( )"

"What's the difference between life and a prostitute? You have to pay a prostitute to fuck you"

"I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach."

"Working at a Land Rover factory is so interesting I make a new Discovery every day"

"I used that classic Liam Neeson line from ""Taken"" today.. ""I will find you, and I will kill you."" My niece didn't want to play hide and seek anymore."