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Joke of the Day

"When a girl doesn't invite me up to her place after a date I just assume it's because she's a hoarder with 30 kitty cats."

"When a blonde goes to London on a plane how can you steal her window seat ? Tell her the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row"

"couple beside me in restaurant are on a blind date; they both love dogs, sushi, and looking at Tinder while the other one is in the restroom"

"""Make him press 1 again."" ""Good."" ""Now, 3 minutes of silence."" ""He still there?"" ""Give him 18 minutes of pan flute."" - Call Center Training"

"The hardest part of getting a girls phone number is working up the courage to go through her trash and get it."

"I just bought a treadmill. It was a little pricey, but I think it will be worth it in the long run"

"which cola brand sources its water from the oceans? PepSi"

"So this ray of light broke bad. It was put in prism."

"The interviewer asked me, ""What's your worst quality?"" I said, ""I tend to speak my mind."" He said, ""I don't think that's necessarily a bad thing..."" I said, ""I don't give a fuck what you think."""

"Radio from an American boat: Mayday, mayday. We are sinking! Radio back from a German rescue ship: What are you sinking about?"