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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children? He prefers them shaken, not stirred."

"Having a mustache is a great way to stop people from drawing a mustache on you in permanent marker while you sleep."

"What is Eminem's favourite food? wraps"

"[talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] ""FIFTEEN-LOVE"""

"I've accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body."

"[first date] HER: if you had to give up one of your senses which one would you choose? ME: definitely my ability to see dead people. HER:"

"Why don't blind people like skydiving? It scares the crap out of the dog."

"Why your fingers have spaces in between? nothing!why? would you like it to be very close to each other. You're not a duck!"

"""I don't have to outrun the bear! Just you!"" Wrong. Bears are so sick of that joke, they skip the slow guy and eat the fast guy now."

"*navigation voice* BEAR TO THE RIGHT *gets eaten by bear*"