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Joke of the Day
"I've accepted the fact that being cremated is my last hope for a smoking, hot body."
Next Joke
"What do Winnie the Pooh and Jack the Ripper have in common? They both have the same middle names."
"What do you call a British circle jerk? A Union Jack."
"Bad is accidently sending your buddy a dirty sext intended for your girlfriend. Worse is getting 'lemme think about it' for a reply."
"Q:How do you circumcise a hillbilly? A:Kick his sister in the jaw!!"
"How many Northern Californians does it take to change a lightbulb? Hella."
"Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says ""Is that an orange bush, Holmes?"" Holmes replies, ""It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"""
"So a horse walks into a bar... ...and the bartender asks, ""Hey buddy, why the long face?"" The horse looks up and responds, ""I'm out of the job! Sarah Jessica Parker started doing her own stunts."""
"I encourage my kids to explore art. I insist they know Picasso's Blue Period had nothing to do with the menstrual cycle of a Smurf."
"[marriage counseling] Ginny- He always hides from our problems. Therapist- Is this true? Harry- *puts on invisibility cloak* No."