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Joke of the Day

"Someone just asked me if I liked Eminem... I told them that I did, but that I prefer Skittles."

"What did the demonic junkie get charged with? Two counts of possession"

"I post stuff in the wrong sub-reddits. AMA wait... FUCK"

"I asked the doctor how much longer I've got. He said, ""A few inches. You clearly enjoy prostate exams."""

"If you had to steal a bike from someone, who would it be? A black guy, because it's probably already stolen."

"Look into a dog's eyes while it's pooping and you'll understand Nietzsche."

"E....I...O...U...Y....A ugh, vowel movement. Sorry"

"Don't you say that about Java. Saying that Java is nice because it works on all OS's is like saying that anal sex is nice because it works on all genders"

"I've been eating a lot of pineapple lately, you know what that means... I have a pineapple flavored sock under my bed."

"Common sense: Walk away. Me: No."