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Joke of the Day

"You are the reason Santa even has a naughty list."

"Did you hear the energizer bunny was arrested? He went to court and was charged with battery."

"What do you call a blind German? A Nazi"

"[2 Years into Cosmetology School] Me:[applying perfect contours] When are we gonna start learning about space?"

"I had a dream about mufflers last night... I woke up exhausted"

"My bank is really proud of me. They keep calling to tell me I have an outstanding balance."

"My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party. I was speechless."

"You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that."

"Security is going to be heightened at all showings of Star Wars.......... out of the fear of all apple geniuses and IT technicians being simultaneously taken out."

"I asked the Riddler if I could be the host of his next party. He said, ""Be my guest."""